Right now, I feel like I’m teetering on the fine line between “stressed-but-ok” and “overwhelmed.” I am used to being planted firmly on the green field of “stable and on top of things,” so this is a new experience for me. I used to have a clean-ish house, clip coupons, have a plan for this week’s dinner, and keep an up-to-date calendar and grocery list. But having twins obliterated our organized, together life and threw us into survival, just-keep-your-head-above water mode.
What’s for dinner? I don’t know! I’m trying to figure out what’s for lunch! Did I wash your laundry? If you have ONE clean pair of underwear, you’re good. Turn it inside out tomorrow, and…still good! We’re out of peanut butter, bread, and lunch meat? Stephen can have cheerios and granola bars for school lunch! Don’t bother me with these petty problems, I’m trying to keep people alive here!
When I wash the dishes and put away some laundry–leaning toward “stressed-but-ok”…
When Will poops out of his diaper while Adrian drips red Gatorade across the floor and Reid screams–tipping toward “overwhelmed”….
Dinner’s in the oven and the living room is picked up…aaand we’re ok again…until Adrian pees his pants and Stephen comes in screaming because he crashed his bike…stress meter needle fluctuating…
Ok, so for the last few hours, I’ve been trying to be super-English-majory and come up with something profound to write for “the conclusion.” Learning patience? Loving the chaos? Letting go of the mess? Trying to enjoy the journey?
And…nada. So I will leave it at this. This is just how I feel right now. I’m trying to be ok with it. I’m doing my best. I’m trying to avoid taking it out on my husband. I’m trying to be patient with the big boys. I’m not perfect. I’m trying to forgive myself and move on. I’m trying to keep at least a toe in the “OK” zone. I’m trying to keep my happy “tace” on, as Adrian would say.
I’m sure we’ll get back to “stable and on top of things,” I guess it just takes twice as long when you have twins!